Ladder to the house on the moon

The last frame is the final layout. The final photo shoot with proper lighting and digital touch ups are left. :D

Shifted workspace home because work was turning out unproductive at college

Hello again, old friend

It was wonderful surprise to walk into you yesterday on my way home. It has been so very long since our last conversation. You know, before I met you yesterday I had been thinking about you. I strangely find a need to go back all my old friends lately. It has been like a wavelength and now I'm coming back down to the ground. To the root where it all began - my love for this world. The world of wonderful and fascinating things. A world of color and people. I once again find a need to be with you, friend. To sit with you while we look at the world with innocent colored vision. Looking for meaning in each and everything and trying hard then to depict it in brush strokes. You and me. 

Canvas, my friend, I'm thrilled to travel the world with you again! Welcome back.

Work space in college + better versions of the dream panels

Work in progress

COMICS 1 -

Research:

That's what I'm working on right now - understanding comics and applying that to a story. This is one of the semester 7 projects and I am so glad I chose comics! I have hardly read too many comics compared to people who create comics but I was lucky enough find Scott McCloud's Ted Talk while I was looking up about comics in the first week of the project.

I also went through bookstore shelves that were packed with Marvel and DC comics. It would sound strange but I just couldn't handle reading them. From the time when I was young, the super hero comics were something I didn't like. I don't know what exactly it is about them but it is probably something around the lines of too much 'action to action' frames and rich dark colors. I thoroughly enjoy Calvin & Hobbes, Tintin and similar comics. I think I feel at home with the subtle color scheme and simplicity of the whole story as well as the 'look' of the story.

Besides Popular Super Hero comics there are many other Graphic Novels, such as, Marjane Satrapi's Persepolis, Craig Thompson's Blankets etc.

I love mumbai

spiffy and the wacom tablet spiffy

'Meet me on the otherside' - David Gray

I am getting pretty addicted to Deviant Art and ignoring my blog which makes me sad. Blogger is great, don't get me wrong but, only it's easier to upload work there and I haven't much of a writer for a while, therefore I apologize.
I see that Extinctosaur has finally posted something up and I didn't even know until five minutes before posting this.
I did some more work at college > inforgraphics for RHCP and I'd love you to leave comments on it. During this time I found David Gray greatest hits lurking in my iTunes and I'm in love with the compilation, especially Caroline and Hospital Food.
It's the final year now, much still to learn. Now that the infographic week is over I'm going to learn some coloring on photoshop with a wacom intuos 2 that I borrowed from Mrin. Also, I should get back to the Web Design learning venture once again. It's a slow learning process but I think I can definitely build you a website if you give me a month to make mistakes and get it right. ;)

It may be rising or setting. Sometimes it is difficult to tell.

Words bring a feeling similar to transportation. When you begin you may be at one place but by the end you’re in another.

It took so long for me to realize that I am 'me'.
Now, it's too late to explore myself.
Today I saw a 15 y.o from the USA who draws stuff that she fantasizes.
What happened to my fantasies at 15?
I was probably too afraid at what people would say if I drew them.
Now my fantasies are probably not as innocent, independent, clean, unadulterated and simple anymore.
I want to be 15 again and live better.
I never understood what Bhaiya meant when he said that I should draw so when I am 20 I'll be so awesome.
I get it now.
Sad.

Androidius rejectius - a breed of extremely nice guys

What makes me feel..
Goes around and comes back head over heel
The cat hides under the bed
A traffic light goes Red

My car comes to a stop
I stare

Any mark you make becomes worth a thousand words.

Type is beautiful. They're tiny sculptures but only painted onto paper. Think black and white. The white paper with curvilinear strokes of a letter like O. How it sits so timid and calm but means to say a million things at the same time.

Men in love

more than just a few words

Designing the Unknown for the Unknown

It is quite a challenging task to strategize against something unknown. If the aim is protection against the something, at least then you will have an idea where to begin. But, suppose, for instance, you were asked to design for the unknown, 'What is the brief?', you'd ask, 'Make your own brief.', the authority replies, 'Oh! Okay.', you're puzzled.

So here you are on the blank sheet of paper, lingering. Hanging on a line for the bright idea to strike.

When I live in a space for too long I lose my affinity for it. 

Igby goes down

Stash

the obvious and the not

Wake up to yourself

Recently I was having a stressful time coping with things, people and activities around me. I cried. The tears made no difference except that Yasir understood what was happening to me. He told me what I should do to make it all better. I did what he said. It worked and life was okay again but it was just okay not good nor did it contain anything that I was looking forward to.

So I decided to wake up early and prepare a relaxed breakfast every morning. I began doing it. The first day I liked it. The second was better and my body didn't rebel to waking up early since I slept on time the previous night. Now it's about the fifth day of the same routine and I think I can never do without this peaceful time I get with myself. 

When my days used to begin in a hurry I was always stressed. Now I'm much better.

People for people, savages

Here they are

There they be

Take a good look around

Soon they'll no longer be.

If people were not

What they are now

They'd stick around longer

For you to stand up and take a bow.

TELISN - noise. TELISN anag.- silent, listen

There is noise, a lot of it.

You can't even hear my voice.

How will you listen?

The noise is born inside you,

You can't even hear yourself.

How will you listen?

Settle the score with yourself,

Then turn around to me,

Then you will hear.

Now earn time to speak,

Be silent and hear,

Then you'll listen.

Speaking in soul

Blue makes me shine down

Light up a path

Red makes me rise up

Burn down the same

Once again I say

Liberate

Once again you will need

To break

Go across a river

Fly

Why he never said - Let there be peace

Once again I say,

Liberate.

Once again you will need,

To break.

Go across a river,

Fly toward the light.

Reasons will never be over,

Until you cease fight. 

I love to read to you. I want to do it all my life.

Some people are just beautiful. They don't need to do say or do anything to turn you head over heels. 

I really need my space. I feel claustrophobic.

What I don't understand and its symptoms

I don't understand the changes that I am going through in my head. I don't feel like doing what I am supposed to but I am doing everything else otherwise. I usually have Rapid Eye Movement sleep wherein I dream and wake up at any noise. Right now I sleep at 4 in the morning and achieve deep sleep. When I wake up I feel a satisfactory stash of energy and will inside me. But, I wake up in the middle of the day by when all other people in my social group have already finished or are on the verge of finishing activities that I am to participate in!

I just missed out on submitting something that matter a lot in my course evaluation. This is going to lead me into being very negative and guilty for a long time. Now on I will not do anything that is going to make me feel so. I am going to read a lot and do only what is required of me at this point of time in life - work hard!

For you I,

For you me,

For you everything,

Everything I could be.

All I can make,

All I can do,

All I can give,

Give everything to you.

Scanning the capabilities of being lazy.

Now that I have a scanner I should really get down to doing some real exciting stuff! 

I should draw!

Draw, you lazy fool, draw!

A Secret Or Maybe Two.

I'd like to tell you my secret

But, maybe not today.

You should leave now

And return in a while

To be able to get me.

How about we trade two secrets

I'll tell you mine

And you return the favour?

How would it be to keep 

Two precious thoughts safely?

Maybe I should write a book

And maybe you an ode.

Let's riddle our secrets into words.

And let the world read something

That makes no sense to them.

They would never understand

The million things we feel.

Maybe they should stop

In their tracks for a moment

And consider what feeling feels like.

Maybe we could whisper

And let a smile or two escape.

Then maybe life would change

A secret would become two.

Would you like to?

Looking at me

He stood at the door

For he was leaving 

To return once more

honguski

Here now begins the journey of my life. 'Honguski', I say to it, let it begin.

Memory Loss

My eyes burn a bit. I just took off eye makeup with a good safe eye-makeup remover which doesn't seem to be that safe. I'd like to sit with my eyes closed so that they hurt less. Well, it's not that much of a horrific makeup removing dysfunction so don't be alarmed.

I also have a bad attack of influenza. My nose is not runny yet but I know it's coming; the silence before the storm has already begun. Notice for yourself - are you feeling perfectly good? Well, that's the silence before the storm! Okay, I'm probably making my condition sound too good but if I could take a movie of myself now you would so totally see the runner in my nose just starting countdown (Or run down already! See! There it goes! Ack!)

I talk too much and I tend to forget that too often. Memory loss.

depression comes in many words

weep
bleed
need
sleep

seed
heed
deep
weed

deed
keep
lead
steed

die
lie
awry
cry

shy
my
dry
tie

by
sigh
pry
pie

ARTIST to artist

'Can you hear me?', he asked, 'Not really', replied the other. 'Will you please listen to me?', he pleaded to the other, the other indifferently said, 'I choose not to'.

Pinch your nose and say 'meep'

So.... My God! I did it again! I began my post with 'So..' argh!

Those of you who have read the above please directly press the 'short term memory loss' button on your head. It is placed directly above the Maxilla, on the Ethmoid of the Nasal tract. Oh and don't forget to say 'meep' (a nasal sound) as you press it. Without the sound the 'short term memory loss' will not occur. (It is a commonly made mistake and I don't like my readers to go through all the trouble.)

Anyway, now that you have successfully forgotten what I did earlier let me tell you something interesting. I bought my DSLR yesterday but I am not going to put up any pictures very soon. Once I have clearly established a good relationship with my Canon and have clicked at least a dozen good pictures then I will reveal it all in one go. No, this has nothing to do with my not wanting to show you my horrible attempts. So once again perform the drill of the 'short term memory loss'. This is to ensure that you do not request for any pictures in the near future.

Before it eats itself up...

There's almost a hunger born inside of me. I'm hungry to go back to where I belong. It is also an almost painful hunger. I wish I could cure it. Hey Eks, and all you Rugrats, I miss you so terribly that it hurts. I doubt that I can take it any longer.

Many many

I promise you, every time I begin writing a post I type 'So..', e-v-e-r-y time!
And when I realize that I delete the 'so' and begin with 'I' !

Maybe that's a sign of self - obsession.

Anyway, what I was saying it that I'm feeling homesick. Haha! My heart is divided into a million little pieces. Now majority of the pieces belong to things that are accessible only from Pune. I want to go back to Pune. To college. To the rain. To my friends. To Eks. I miss you more than I can express.

Besides nostalgia, I am getting the Canon 450D. So you'll have images showing you things the way I see them.

I am topic hopping right now because there is so much to say. Did you know that Amitabh Bachchan and Aamir Khan blog? Well, here is AB's blog and AK's. They write well, and write very simply about their own life and perceptions.

Another thing I noticed is that my illustration and pictures are delightful to look at in my blog so from now instead of talking too much I will draw my thought.

Now, I rest. Goodnight.
Love.

Art And Artists (the good ones unlike you and me)

I recently became a member of Deviant Art a.k.a dA. I've been browsing galleries and I realize that most goras (no racism involved, I'm just innocently referring to a group of people, everyone who is not brown, that I otherwise do not know how to refer to) are so good at art and photography. And so, after such a long time of exposure to their work, I have learned to digest the fact that they are good at art and its relatives, in fact they are very good!

But, hey! It's not fair that they get the good looks too!! Ya' know! Wtf?

Tempted?

..and he lamented

I was five and he was six
We rode on horses made of sticks
He wore black and I wore white
He would always win the fight

Bang bang, he shot me down
Bang bang, I hit the ground
Bang bang, that awful sound
Bang bang, my baby shot me down.

Seasons came and changed the time
When I grew up, I called him mine
He would always laugh and say
"Remember when we used to play?"

Bang bang, I shot you down
Bang bang, you hit the ground
Bang bang, that awful sound
Bang bang, I used to shoot you down.

Music played, and people sang
Just for me, the church bells rang.

Now he's gone, I don't know why
And till this day, sometimes I cry
He didn't even say goodbye
He didn't take the time to lie.

Bang bang, he shot me down
Bang bang, I hit the ground
Bang bang, that awful sound
Bang bang, my baby shot me down...

Listen

Queue Please!

Are you waiting for more drawings?

Me too. :P

That's me!

It is horrid!
Whatever it is, it's just horrid.
Today is the day when I would just pick anything up and break it.
Why is That important?
Why can't we live without caring about That?

It is worthless.
All you friggin' pieces of shit on the planet who think that looking beautiful is all that life is all about go rot in fucking hell.

You have no bloody idea. Do you?

Another Dilemma

There was a time a few days ago when all I did was draw and tear the page out.
I felt miserable. So i drew my thought.
And suddenly realized that all I need to do is draw my thought.
Here, I, again, become an artist instead of a designer.
Is something wrong with that?
Am I learning design just to communicate my own thought clearly?
Is that like walking the wrong path with the right intention?
Or is it just being clever?
Am I an artist or a designer?
I think I'm just confused.

Thirty five more days to go. I think I will kill someone.

What a Mess!

I am not not,
I am just not.
I am not nothing.
I am just about anything.

I am the one who make a mess,
Then looks at it with interest.
I don't know how to sort it out,
It scares me so I cry out loud.

I can look at it for hours but,
Frown, then keep my eyes shut.
Pretend to have no association with;
Try to stand away from it.

A mess it is and the best one,
Whatever you do it can't be undone,
The only way out will be,
For you to take me away from me.

Where I am, I am just there.

You probably remember how nervous I was about coming back home! Somehow the feeling was lost in the abyss of my niece's complicated narratives. I calmed down and now I am thoroughly enjoying my stay. But, don't get me wrong, I want to leave this place when I can to come back to you guys, the love of my life, our life in college and the monsoon.

I like the fact that I really have nothing to do here. I don't make any day plans or go out anywhere, I don't watch movies, tv or read books. 'My God! What does she do then?', you must think. Well, I draw.

And I bet at this Yasir will have some joke like 'iDraw. Nehal, you're such an Apple fan!'
Haha Yasir. That is so not funny.

A Beginning

I have begun to draw. I'm working on a book with a friend which is supposed to be a book for children but I don't know how far we will be able to keep the bad language and wrong incidents out of the story! It's not that bad going though.

I can't really show you any sketches or anything yet. We've got to keep it off the web circle for a some time ('some time' can last till it is actually published so please don't keep hopes)

This is my first attempt at illustrating a full length story ( I have done some illustration for random thoughts and poems before) I don't know how promising this is going to be but I think that looking forward to it won't be such a bad thing.

the room in all its glory.

I think my sister would like to cuss at me for re-sharing the room with her. (I won't make myself say 'her room' so you guys need to stop waiting on me for that one!) She just went 'poof' when I told her that I cannot turn off the lights just yet. But, hey I'm drawing okay!?! I'm already quite blind you see, turning off the light would be total stupidity! (hehe, that rhymes)

I quit.

It has been a little over a week since my summer vacation began. I am at home now and I think I have time at my disposal to do anything that I really want. I was supposed to be working for someone making kids' summer events in Dubai, which I did start off as soon as I came but, I quit today.

I have decided to do something for myself, something that will enhance my perception of me. I think I'm going to draw and write this summer.

A Wonderful Discovery

I could easily state that my four year old niece is my wonderful discovery but that would be half the truth. What is really wonderful is her drawing skill! I can't make myself believe that a four year old child is so good at drawing figures. I obviously do not mean that she draws life-like but her figure drawing and expressions on the faces of her characters is just so amazing.

If you ever encounter one of her drawings she will explain what that character is doing with sounds ans actions! I think she is one big pot of talent and I feel like I should just dedicate my life into teaching her to see things the way she does now for all her life. I also believe that I should quit trying to make my talents into skills because I have been at it for so many years and still haven't reached a bloody milestone. I just taught her how to draw an eye the way I do.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Just now we were exploring how to draw a dog! It is hilarious how she drew its limbs! They were two on each side of its body at 90 degrees! Haha!

Hello world once again. I am at home now. Just dropped in yesterday after a long awaited flight. At this moment I am rubbing my left or right eye. It is too difficult for me to tell instantly which of the two it is because I am dyslexic. And also I am bored. I think I'll go to sleep.

change

A Different Day

It is a peaceful day outside. At least it was till this morning before I opened my eyes to realize that I was awake. She lay beside me, a small girl with a face of innocence. I lay awake after that and noticed that outside my window it was a different day. I resumed staring at my ceiling; it was blank white. I closed my eyes and looked again but no noticeable change took place in that fraction of a second. I looked out of the window again. The small girl woke up and commented upon the beauty of the day as she smiled.

I got out of bed and stood before my sink mirror. I looked at myself. I was a a blur to myself. My glasses were at my desk. I opened the tap and fresh water came rushing into my life. I took some in the cup of my palms and splashed it on my face. Then my image improved in the mirror.

I went back to look out of the window. I saw it then; the beauty of the day. It really was beautiful. I just needed a change of perception.

Deep Inside the Woods

So it was dark,
I knew it then and know it now.
I saw it from a distance and said.
I will conquer it all, but how?

Now it is dark,
I am staring right into its face.
Trying to take a grip on it,
The blank imitation of space.

Love

I finally found and interpreter of the Rain. And he does his job beautifully.

I AM

feeling extremely stifled. Liberate me, somebody.

What is the most beautiful thing about life?

Right now, I hate me.

In Center, In Captivity

When I was in captivity,
I felt one moment of captivation.
None prior and none afterward,
Just once it came to pass me by.

T'was a fragmented stillness,
An unperturbed silence screamed.
Loud as it was with me in the center,
I watched it encircle like a tempest.

But just a moment it was,
It had to leave me be soon.
Came to an end when it did,
It left behind an honest smile.

Learning

There are two ways to making something interesting.

Do something in a way that everyone does but, point out, in it, something that everyone tends to not notice.

Do something something that everyone does in a different way.

Upon Feeling Worthless

A feeling of worthlessness takes over. It is like a change of personnel in a work shift. Waiting to take over at the precise moment so that there is no loss of time. But it is very gradual. Tough to point out where it has actually begun. Like a vignette, you can't tell exactly where the next hue begins.

It's like having visited a building and you say hello to the guard. You go upstairs and sleep off. When you wake and leave the building there is another guard instead. You can't really tell when they changed but at both points you know for sure that they are two different people.

I was happy and wanted to do a little chicken dance for it too just some time back. Hard to tell when exactly. May be an hour or so back. And now my face shows no hint of amusement. None at all. I feel worthless.

Feeling worthless is not good because you feel like you can't do anything anymore. You begin to feel helpless. And feeling helpless is not good.

:(

Kishore Kumar died on 13th October 1987.

Many things, unsaid, are beautiful.

the world is held together by wires

the world is held together by wires, originally uploaded by nehal ahmed.

And days shall come when life will be flesh and blood.
Days shall pass to leave you bare and naked.
The sun will rise to end the night.
It will burn your bare skin,
You will lay yourself down and cry,
Dry eyes will burn then.
That is when the rain will come.
Life will be green again.

Y

I see the lines on your face and oh, how I wish to seep into them.

Ay khuda, kuch aisa kar
Ke tham jaye yeh waqt.

Dar lag raha hai humein,
Ki yeh nahi hai haqeeqat.

Be truthful to yourself.

In the world outside you there is nothing such as truth or lies.
So whatever you say is just unclassified information. You are the judge.

A Rain Diary

An interesting thought in my head says that we must all keep something called a Rain Diary. What purpose this is to serve, you can decide for yourself. This is the monsoon time diary which is stained with oil from the pakodas and chai cups. Stain it with rainwater, mud, etc. Stain it with the first rain drops! How exciting is that?

The rain is coming in a while. Before that come Mangoes! Mangoes are love! Let's also have a Mango Journal. Write about your feeling for every mango you eat this summer in this beautiful country!

Oh! How I long to begin the two precious Journals!

The Sun is in Motion And...

I am content,
With my own feelings.
Does it know or not;
I wonder no more.

I'd rather not think,
And keep on going.
A moment may come,
For the decision in time.

Time now is beautiful,
Here you are,
And here I am.
Time is now to smile.

Simply Bugs!

I'm really paranoid about bugs. In every illustration project I take at least one element that I am either afraid of or have not tried out before. This calender set is called 'simply bugs'.

It was created especially for the little monsters back home (sadly, I could never send it to them). I know kids would love to see these colorful pictures. I had a lot of fun creating this. It is all digital and did not have any pre-sketches or thumbnails (bad idea. you should always do thumbnails before anything digital). By the looks of it, it turned out okay.

the illustrator me

i am an addict of my pencil and chalks!

freak the freaks.

i want to freak people out by cutting my hair really short again. but, the only bad side effect of that is that instead of leaving me alone they will want to bother me with mindless questions. they will try to prove that they are worried about me.

if i was in a world of normal people (now i am in the world of misfits) they would've actually freaked out and would've left me alone. how do you freak out freaky people. how do you repel such sort. how do you communicate to people that you are a freak and it is best for them to leave you alone?

it speaks

I am here,
I slip slide,
I come to life,
To make you smile.

I go away briefly,
Make you afraid.
I want to stay forever,
I recommend you say it.

Say it in straight words,
Or you'll never be sure,
Say it on the face,
Or be ready to let go.

Do it now or repent,
Return will I never,
If you shove me aside,
And push me around.

I am intense,
I am real,
If you want me to be,
Hold onto this deal.

Inspiration doesn't come from design books or manuals on writing. Inspiration comes from your surroundings.

I just dropped work mid-way just to tell you what I think right now. I had been flipping through a color book looking for some inspiration. Nothing came to me. I made a face at a poster that I used to regard as fairly cool some days ago. And almost immediately I reminded myself of a Sagmeister interview I was reading on www.sagmeister.com . He says in there that he doesn't go for design magazines to get inspiration, he merely flips through them for pleasure.

My design drone wants to sleep. Poor thing, I've made him a replica of so many others. Poor thing has no identity in the crowd. Poor thing truly serves no purpose. None at all.

Interact with your negative/white spaces. Give them life. Don't be so insensitive. Yes, I should interact in what I live. Remember the Half glass of water. How some people say it's half full and some say half empty? Now, that is sensitivity.

Look at this a, do you think the black strokes define the letter? oh no they don't. It's the white space that holds it out. It's the white space that constructs it.

Do you see it now?

No matter how far you go, you will always be here.

Trying to look good limits my life.

Slowly you sneak in,
Innocently you smile.
I look into your eyes,
Everything seems worthwhile.

Please come by often,
Don't grow cold.
Together when we are,
Life promises to unfold.

Everything I do comes back to me.

fingers and toes go cold

It’s there
It always is nearby
It follows me through everything

Sometimes when I stand alone
I can feel it’s breath on my neck
My spine tingles and pupils constrict

I want to find a way
To make it go away
Forever

You be my starry sky. But, not so far.
You be my string of dreams. But, not so far.
You be my colors on the canvas. But, not so far.
Just... not so far.

This is to you.

To, the saviors of me whose warm bear hugs and big toothy smiles has gotten me going again. I love you all, I hope you know that. Yes, if this brings a memory of a warm hug in your mind and my toothy grin, this message is most definitely for you...

And most of all to Eks who made Spiffy what she is now. A happy person. :)

I only want to know why.
Answer me before you die.
Tell me why do you
Do what you do
To me..

To bind a sleepless thought.

Sleepless nights possess a tempting sensuality. These seduce you into a play of random thoughts. The thoughts remain lucid only for the moment they are there. If you try to recall them after they have left your domain, you will realise not a trace of it's existence remains with you. Just like Haley's comet with it's bright tail.

Sleepless nights are enticing black holes like. You enjoy the ability of your brain to travel vast distances. This is when you can't direct your mind. It makes these disconnected places and pours it out as a map in your head.

You lie down, in the dark, eyes closed and watch what your mind shows you. Then, not very soon, sleep takes over like the rain clouds take over the clear sky.

I want to say something to you. But, I'll save it for some other time.

one rainy afternoon

one rainy afternoon, originally uploaded by nehal ahmed.

I miss the rain. For those who don't know, my name is a persian word for beautiful, rainy. Therefore, I was born with the love for rain and beauty.

I wish I could get up tomorrow morning, go to the tapri, have a glass of chai in my hand, sit down to watch the rest of the world wake up to the rain that falls.

And sitting next to me would be another person with the same feeling.

'beautiful rain', he would say to me. 'yes', I would smile.

I am standing in the middle,
A pivot against the crowd.
Watching time go slowly,
And people rush past.

In the small pleasures of life, I see,
Me.

many things don't need to be said.
listen.

wishing it was

Look at your address bar in this window. Does it say www.wishingitwas.blogspot.com?
I am completely wishing it was! But what is it that I am wishing? And what should it become?

Truly, I don't know. I just wish I was happy. And, why is it that I am not happy now?
Maybe the truth is that I don't know what happiness is and I just missed it around the corner.

I will never be happy, because I will never know when I am happy.

I am crazy. I am a crazy romantic.

I romanticize every minute of my life.
I emotionally attach myself so much that there is nothing left in the end but hurt.
Everything is the slipping sand in my fist.
And really, if it is slipping then it virtually isn't even there in my fist anymore.

Everything goes away. Everything just goes away.

But, I couldn't be any different from me.
I could never change. If I change or be different, I won't be me.
The drama I play maybe award winning, but it will remain a drama and not real life.
The drama maybe award-winning but I will always remain miserable.
I will always remain miserable behind all the lights and make-up.

Look at me. I'm faking it. I am lying to myself.
You can't see it. I am a good actor.
My drama is award-winning, remember?
It's a flawless imitation.
A blank imitation of space.