wishing it was

Look at your address bar in this window. Does it say www.wishingitwas.blogspot.com?
I am completely wishing it was! But what is it that I am wishing? And what should it become?

Truly, I don't know. I just wish I was happy. And, why is it that I am not happy now?
Maybe the truth is that I don't know what happiness is and I just missed it around the corner.

I will never be happy, because I will never know when I am happy.

I am crazy. I am a crazy romantic.

I romanticize every minute of my life.
I emotionally attach myself so much that there is nothing left in the end but hurt.
Everything is the slipping sand in my fist.
And really, if it is slipping then it virtually isn't even there in my fist anymore.

Everything goes away. Everything just goes away.

But, I couldn't be any different from me.
I could never change. If I change or be different, I won't be me.
The drama I play maybe award winning, but it will remain a drama and not real life.
The drama maybe award-winning but I will always remain miserable.
I will always remain miserable behind all the lights and make-up.

Look at me. I'm faking it. I am lying to myself.
You can't see it. I am a good actor.
My drama is award-winning, remember?
It's a flawless imitation.
A blank imitation of space.