It is horrid!
Whatever it is, it's just horrid.
Today is the day when I would just pick anything up and break it.
Why is That important?
Why can't we live without caring about That?

It is worthless.
All you friggin' pieces of shit on the planet who think that looking beautiful is all that life is all about go rot in fucking hell.

You have no bloody idea. Do you?

Another Dilemma

There was a time a few days ago when all I did was draw and tear the page out.
I felt miserable. So i drew my thought.
And suddenly realized that all I need to do is draw my thought.
Here, I, again, become an artist instead of a designer.
Is something wrong with that?
Am I learning design just to communicate my own thought clearly?
Is that like walking the wrong path with the right intention?
Or is it just being clever?
Am I an artist or a designer?
I think I'm just confused.

Thirty five more days to go. I think I will kill someone.

What a Mess!

I am not not,
I am just not.
I am not nothing.
I am just about anything.

I am the one who make a mess,
Then looks at it with interest.
I don't know how to sort it out,
It scares me so I cry out loud.

I can look at it for hours but,
Frown, then keep my eyes shut.
Pretend to have no association with;
Try to stand away from it.

A mess it is and the best one,
Whatever you do it can't be undone,
The only way out will be,
For you to take me away from me.

Where I am, I am just there.

You probably remember how nervous I was about coming back home! Somehow the feeling was lost in the abyss of my niece's complicated narratives. I calmed down and now I am thoroughly enjoying my stay. But, don't get me wrong, I want to leave this place when I can to come back to you guys, the love of my life, our life in college and the monsoon.

I like the fact that I really have nothing to do here. I don't make any day plans or go out anywhere, I don't watch movies, tv or read books. 'My God! What does she do then?', you must think. Well, I draw.

And I bet at this Yasir will have some joke like 'iDraw. Nehal, you're such an Apple fan!'
Haha Yasir. That is so not funny.

A Beginning

I have begun to draw. I'm working on a book with a friend which is supposed to be a book for children but I don't know how far we will be able to keep the bad language and wrong incidents out of the story! It's not that bad going though.

I can't really show you any sketches or anything yet. We've got to keep it off the web circle for a some time ('some time' can last till it is actually published so please don't keep hopes)

This is my first attempt at illustrating a full length story ( I have done some illustration for random thoughts and poems before) I don't know how promising this is going to be but I think that looking forward to it won't be such a bad thing.

the room in all its glory.

I think my sister would like to cuss at me for re-sharing the room with her. (I won't make myself say 'her room' so you guys need to stop waiting on me for that one!) She just went 'poof' when I told her that I cannot turn off the lights just yet. But, hey I'm drawing okay!?! I'm already quite blind you see, turning off the light would be total stupidity! (hehe, that rhymes)

I quit.

It has been a little over a week since my summer vacation began. I am at home now and I think I have time at my disposal to do anything that I really want. I was supposed to be working for someone making kids' summer events in Dubai, which I did start off as soon as I came but, I quit today.

I have decided to do something for myself, something that will enhance my perception of me. I think I'm going to draw and write this summer.

A Wonderful Discovery

I could easily state that my four year old niece is my wonderful discovery but that would be half the truth. What is really wonderful is her drawing skill! I can't make myself believe that a four year old child is so good at drawing figures. I obviously do not mean that she draws life-like but her figure drawing and expressions on the faces of her characters is just so amazing.

If you ever encounter one of her drawings she will explain what that character is doing with sounds ans actions! I think she is one big pot of talent and I feel like I should just dedicate my life into teaching her to see things the way she does now for all her life. I also believe that I should quit trying to make my talents into skills because I have been at it for so many years and still haven't reached a bloody milestone. I just taught her how to draw an eye the way I do.

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Just now we were exploring how to draw a dog! It is hilarious how she drew its limbs! They were two on each side of its body at 90 degrees! Haha!

Hello world once again. I am at home now. Just dropped in yesterday after a long awaited flight. At this moment I am rubbing my left or right eye. It is too difficult for me to tell instantly which of the two it is because I am dyslexic. And also I am bored. I think I'll go to sleep.

change

A Different Day

It is a peaceful day outside. At least it was till this morning before I opened my eyes to realize that I was awake. She lay beside me, a small girl with a face of innocence. I lay awake after that and noticed that outside my window it was a different day. I resumed staring at my ceiling; it was blank white. I closed my eyes and looked again but no noticeable change took place in that fraction of a second. I looked out of the window again. The small girl woke up and commented upon the beauty of the day as she smiled.

I got out of bed and stood before my sink mirror. I looked at myself. I was a a blur to myself. My glasses were at my desk. I opened the tap and fresh water came rushing into my life. I took some in the cup of my palms and splashed it on my face. Then my image improved in the mirror.

I went back to look out of the window. I saw it then; the beauty of the day. It really was beautiful. I just needed a change of perception.

Deep Inside the Woods

So it was dark,
I knew it then and know it now.
I saw it from a distance and said.
I will conquer it all, but how?

Now it is dark,
I am staring right into its face.
Trying to take a grip on it,
The blank imitation of space.

Love

I finally found and interpreter of the Rain. And he does his job beautifully.

I AM

feeling extremely stifled. Liberate me, somebody.

What is the most beautiful thing about life?

Right now, I hate me.

In Center, In Captivity

When I was in captivity,
I felt one moment of captivation.
None prior and none afterward,
Just once it came to pass me by.

T'was a fragmented stillness,
An unperturbed silence screamed.
Loud as it was with me in the center,
I watched it encircle like a tempest.

But just a moment it was,
It had to leave me be soon.
Came to an end when it did,
It left behind an honest smile.

Learning

There are two ways to making something interesting.

Do something in a way that everyone does but, point out, in it, something that everyone tends to not notice.

Do something something that everyone does in a different way.

Upon Feeling Worthless

A feeling of worthlessness takes over. It is like a change of personnel in a work shift. Waiting to take over at the precise moment so that there is no loss of time. But it is very gradual. Tough to point out where it has actually begun. Like a vignette, you can't tell exactly where the next hue begins.

It's like having visited a building and you say hello to the guard. You go upstairs and sleep off. When you wake and leave the building there is another guard instead. You can't really tell when they changed but at both points you know for sure that they are two different people.

I was happy and wanted to do a little chicken dance for it too just some time back. Hard to tell when exactly. May be an hour or so back. And now my face shows no hint of amusement. None at all. I feel worthless.

Feeling worthless is not good because you feel like you can't do anything anymore. You begin to feel helpless. And feeling helpless is not good.