i am

Mornings

2011-06-21T10:31:00.002+05:30

For the past few days I have been having trouble sleeping and waking up. Night falls and I don’t feel like sleeping and I am awake till 5 am. Eventually, when I do fall asleep I don’t get a good nights sleep but abrupt naps. Finally, from noon to 2 pm I keep taking a peek at the clock to measure how guilty I should feel and how much longer can I lay in bed.

I am a freelancer, so self-discipline is the only solution to my routine. I don’t have any other factor to motivate me to sleep or wake up at the same time everyday. That’s one thing I miss about my job. I miss it because sleeping and waking up at the same time everyday sets a rhythm in your body. This rhythm helps you utilize your energy throughout the day as well as get good sleep in the night. We call it the ‘body clock’. When the body clock is rhythmic you feel great about yourself.

Today, I woke up at 7:20 am in the hopes to get the rhythm going. What’s the next thing after waking up, after the trip to the bathroom? Breakfast! Everybody knows how important breakfast is but no one really does anything about it. The truth is you can’t do anything about it with one foot out the door. There is plethora of quick breakfast recipes that require strange concoctions of ingredients that you will hardly ever find in the kitchen. Who remembers to get yoghurt after a tiring day at work? Breakfast is a challenge.

Although I detest this combination but porridge and green tea have done the trick for me. When I was diagnosed with PCOS in India I took a challenge to know everything there is to know to cure it naturally. I ate right, was productive and was extremely healthy all for two months. In those two months I lost all my excess weight and my body began to function right in a way that it had never. Porridge and green tea was my breakfast that time. I would make iterations of the porridge by adding different fruit everyday. I am not sure what happened next I stopped my awesome food regime and everything went down since then.

Here I am now looking back to that amazing time. Life was literally perfect. I felt great about myself, had a positive attitude, lost all the excess weight and fixed my PCOS! How awesome was that? Everything I did was worth it. So here I am restarting all the good habits again.

2010-08-23T02:30:00.001+05:30

My moleskine is finally getting the better of me. Drawing hair like mine.

Ramadan eating habits

2010-08-20T05:59:00.000+05:30

I lost a kilo since I began fasting this month. I'm not really the perfect muslim but I have been trying to probe into and understand why we do so many things that make us a muslim. Suddenly, in recent development, it makes sense to me in a weird way (a way that only nehal ahmed can understand). The most recent of which is the sehri/suhur meal of the fasting month.

My mother forcefully woke me up to feed me this morning saying, 'Sehri time doesn't last forever so just wake up and eat.' I wish that throughout my life I was woken up like this to eat my morning meal. I feel so healthy and fresh to eat at this hour and then at sunset. I give my body enough time to digest before I sleep. Like they have in everyone's favorite diet plan, eat before 7 am breakfast and before 7 pm dinner. Well, if I could alter the fasting by incorporating drinking of water throughout the day then all of us will be pretty healthy.

When I was a kid I would feast at both meals and starve the whole day, which, of course we know is wrong. Hunger is really nothing very hard to overcome nor is the thirst because we spend our entire day in air conditioned spaces and comfortable chairs. I eat extremely appropriately. As they say in, well, people just say it, eat enough and leave (in your stomach) space worth another roti. I don't really concentrate on how much space is left or whatever (because I'm a rice eater) but I don't hoard on food like I used to.

Sehri is a perfect time for breakfast in which you can eat your fill (since your afraid of the hunger monster that comes later in the story) and it would be cool if we woke up forcefully at the perfect pre-dawn hour to eat for the rest of our lives. It would also be good to drink 8 glasses of water a day. Hah!

Anticipation

2010-05-13T01:05:00.001+05:30

Something important that I just realized. Don't lose vision of what is standing at the end of the road. Peace.

The end is the beginning of a lot.

2010-05-10T19:19:00.000+05:30

Phase 3 is almost over.
Feels pretty strange to be standing here from where the end is just another small leap.
Phase 4 will be to start a life of working for money but choosing something fun to do to earn it.
Who's with me?

Looney Ballooney

2010-05-05T18:43:00.001+05:30

Chili Flake

2010-05-04T16:41:00.000+05:30

Chili Flake

2010-05-04T11:11:00.000+05:30

Working on a new monster. No, I don't base color. I like the spontaneity while choosing colors as the time comes. I also like the suspense. Say hi to Chili Flake. Hey, he already seems to like you!

2010-04-25T18:23:00.000+05:30

I always need a plan. A possible plan. Something believe that can happen. When I don't have that I can't concentrate on what I am doing. When I can't work I feel troubled. When I feel happy I inspire people. So having a plan is in everyone's best interest.

2010-04-21T01:38:00.001+05:30

I really need to have some fun. I just too fucking serious.
Hmmm. Interesting thought.

Noni and Ogli

2010-04-04T01:17:00.000+05:30

2010-04-04T01:11:00.000+05:30

Working on a greeting card project for my final year. http://crafted.tumblr.com
I'll be done in May 2010 with college.

2010-01-28T07:18:00.001+05:30

2010-01-24T21:28:00.002+05:30

Everything that exists is history.

2010-01-19T01:02:00.000+05:30

There is persistent and perpetual feeling of wholeness inside me.
I think it's happiness.

2010-01-17T21:04:00.000+05:30

Do you know yourself?

Fresh

2009-12-26T17:20:00.000+05:30

is how I feel, at the moment, after a few days of sleeping late and almost waking up when I want to pee badly in the middle of the afternoon the next day. Shifted my workspace to the living room again and it's great to have so much space around me. I'm still rearranging the stuff here, it's like moving into a new apartment. I left some stuff just around till I look at them and it dawns upon me the solution to their storage/space. There wasn't enough room in the room (ironic!) so my portable book cases (they're these cartons that I've made stand upright with the face open) were lying here and there. Now all three are in the living room with me and my books sit staring at me from near the window. It's not as a spooky as it sounds, hehe, it feels like good company. Good company = doesn't talk, knows who I am, vice versa and will always be there when I need it. :)

2009-12-26T17:11:00.000+05:30

Inventions are combinations of discoveries.

What a pain in the face!

2009-12-25T15:01:00.000+05:30

There have been these moments when I wonder what will happen if I don't visit the salon for a while, apart from the fact that my body and facial hair will regain it's natural length and form. Flinching at that thought, are you? Haha. See how, even when we try to b different, by which I mean the extremist attitude that we have against society norms since we're young and creative, we're not any different from deep within. Beauty, although we believe we see it differently, is still the stereotypical well shaped eyebrows, pink lips and straight noses. What's in these straight noses and pink lips?

Women, all of us - even me, we spend countless hours, huge sums of money and above all that emotion over how we look to other people. The weight loss obsession is another thing all together. Here, I am talking about hair! Every two days I look at my chin in the mirror. When there's no mirror around I keep running my finger over my face unfailingly questioning myself whether I am ready for the pain yet.

Now that all of you are my friends and I can share my secrets I'd like to tell you this - I have one arched and one straight eyebrow. Yes. And yes, I do go to college like that. Yea, I'm not afraid. What I am afraid of is that it has been years since I began shaping my brows and now letting them grow back completely to fix the shape is going to be humiliating. How will I face the public? And it doesn't end there, I could let it grow only I don't remember how bad it was or how bad will it be now. Like nature would want to get back at me so it'll make my natural brows ten times worse than it was if I let it grow. This is not a phony fear that is associated with finicky girls, this is the real shit! We're all so afraid.

I was once at a parlor, at the time I used to visit the salon every month religiously, where I happened to encounter another girl of my age who looked pretty clean on her face (hair-wise)and I smiled at her. The person who was attending me resumed her work on my face and I could no longer see the girl since my eyes were shut tight out of fear of pain, also I was facing the other side (but the fear of pain was a greater occlusion). I heard her neat little voice saying 'Threading, eyebrows and upper lip' and I yelled at the top of my lungs, 'WHAT?!', in my head. There were three things running in my head Is she out of her mind? Am I too hairy to come to the salon? What will people think of me!? And from that day on this is what I think whenever I step into any salon.

You could try to make this an argument and try to win it too with many facts and stories but instead just think about why beauty needs to be stereotypical?

To the world

2009-12-24T20:35:00.002+05:30

Don't forget to speak your mind.

Consumerism in the design school.

2009-12-24T19:04:00.001+05:30

In my design school the point of teaching is consumerism. It follows the same rules as all other public high school ideologies. Well, I don't know if they know that they are doing this but they are.

The foundation year of design school was actually really frustrating because we were asked to do things away from consumerism. But, the years that followed we only did advertising, logos, promote an idea, learn a technique to promote ideas of consumerism. At this point that foundation year seems so glorious and dreamy.

Damn! That kills me! If you believe it, I am now about to start my final semester and this is the point where I realize what I have been learning to do for the past 3 years - promoting consumerism!

I picked my final project in that same direction until Bhaijan tried to break down the idea and shot questions at me. Questions of conviction of the topic I chose. He asked me whether I knew that it was okay to make mistakes, to faulter, to not have the winning design. And I told him that I knew. Then why was I ambiguous?

Consumerism is taking the world nowhere. Just a trick to earn big bucks by the ones who know how to play you. Wasting all the resources of the world. And most people trying to teach me were clouded by the same idea. Idiots. Fuck consumerism. Let yourself grow when being creative. Don't think of the bloody target market. Don't design everything to the point of sale.

Ant

2009-11-24T00:27:00.000+05:30

There’s a red ant strolling around on my screen as I type. It was near the ‘T’ of There in the first sentence. Now it has probably crawled in to one on the built-in microphones. If I hear a sudden boom from the speakers of an unidentified language I should guess it’s the ant trying to communicate to the outside world. May be it’ll be one of those moments in the history of mankind when we discover that all other animals can also speak English but think that we’re too stupid to understand.

My imagination is going too wild now. I am thinking that this red ant (let’s call it Louis/Louisa with a pet name of Lou) is a revolutionary. Lou is one of those who has been following my use of the laptop to learn how to make use of it for the particular movement in this revolution.

But, I wonder what this revolution is about.

2009-11-22T00:14:00.002+05:30

For the human race food is - everyone else.

2009-11-22T00:13:00.001+05:30

I Am

Are you?

Are you in the wave?

2009-11-22T00:11:00.000+05:30

Google Wave released a few weeks ago and there was a huge wave of raving that followed. People around me are still pretty ignorant about it so even though I followed all the rules of the google raving I didn't quite get an equal reaction from my mates. I'm guessing I may have to just wait it out until the people around me wake up and are swept away by the wave.

(Secretly, I am still in the wave and waiting for my invite meanwhile their very loooooong video loads.)

2009-11-21T19:10:00.000+05:30

7 o' clock breakfast: eggs, sautéed mushrooms, wholegrain bread and orange juice.
7 pm not 7 am.
Yes, sleepng routine has been reversed.
Body clock needs new batteries.

2009-11-21T05:21:00.000+05:30

I've had a long running argument in my head about illustration vs. photography. One captures reality and the other captures imagination. Which one is needed more in the society? Shall we tell people what the reality is or delude them?

2009-10-23T06:19:00.000+05:30

The problem with a human is that he thinks he is unique, different from every other human and is so full of himself that he is ignorant of the fact that every other human can also think as much as he does and that every other human also has emotions as real as his own.

Ladder to the house on the moon

2009-10-21T15:38:00.001+05:30

The last frame is the final layout. The final photo shoot with proper lighting and digital touch ups are left. :D

Shifted workspace home because work was turning out unproductive at college

Hello again, old friend

2009-10-20T18:52:00.001+05:30

It was wonderful surprise to walk into you yesterday on my way home. It has been so very long since our last conversation. You know, before I met you yesterday I had been thinking about you. I strangely find a need to go back all my old friends lately. It has been like a wavelength and now I'm coming back down to the ground. To the root where it all began - my love for this world. The world of wonderful and fascinating things. A world of color and people. I once again find a need to be with you, friend. To sit with you while we look at the world with innocent colored vision. Looking for meaning in each and everything and trying hard then to depict it in brush strokes. You and me.

Canvas, my friend, I'm thrilled to travel the world with you again! Welcome back.

Work space in college + better versions of the dream panels

2009-10-06T16:54:00.000+05:30

Work in progress

2009-10-03T15:15:00.002+05:30

COMICS 1 -

2009-09-02T19:40:00.004+05:30

Research:

That's what I'm working on right now - understanding comics and applying that to a story. This is one of the semester 7 projects and I am so glad I chose comics! I have hardly read too many comics compared to people who create comics but I was lucky enough find Scott McCloud's Ted Talk while I was looking up about comics in the first week of the project.

I also went through bookstore shelves that were packed with Marvel and DC comics. It would sound strange but I just couldn't handle reading them. From the time when I was young, the super hero comics were something I didn't like. I don't know what exactly it is about them but it is probably something around the lines of too much 'action to action' frames and rich dark colors. I thoroughly enjoy Calvin & Hobbes, Tintin and similar comics. I think I feel at home with the subtle color scheme and simplicity of the whole story as well as the 'look' of the story.

Besides Popular Super Hero comics there are many other Graphic Novels, such as, Marjane Satrapi's Persepolis, Craig Thompson's Blankets etc.

I love mumbai

2009-08-15T15:27:00.001+05:30

spiffy and the wacom tablet spiffy

2009-07-19T02:35:00.002+05:30

'Meet me on the otherside' - David Gray

2009-07-18T18:02:00.003+05:30

I am getting pretty addicted to Deviant Art and ignoring my blog which makes me sad. Blogger is great, don't get me wrong but, only it's easier to upload work there and I haven't much of a writer for a while, therefore I apologize.
I see that Extinctosaur has finally posted something up and I didn't even know until five minutes before posting this.
I did some more work at college > inforgraphics for RHCP and I'd love you to leave comments on it. During this time I found David Gray greatest hits lurking in my iTunes and I'm in love with the compilation, especially Caroline and Hospital Food.
It's the final year now, much still to learn. Now that the infographic week is over I'm going to learn some coloring on photoshop with a wacom intuos 2 that I borrowed from Mrin. Also, I should get back to the Web Design learning venture once again. It's a slow learning process but I think I can definitely build you a website if you give me a month to make mistakes and get it right. ;)

2009-05-27T17:13:00.001+05:30

2009-05-22T12:46:00.001+05:30

It may be rising or setting. Sometimes it is difficult to tell.

2009-05-22T12:42:00.001+05:30

Words bring a feeling similar to transportation. When you begin you may be at one place but by the end you’re in another.

2009-05-22T01:25:00.000+05:30

2009-03-18T03:51:00.002+05:30

It took so long for me to realize that I am 'me'.
Now, it's too late to explore myself.
Today I saw a 15 y.o from the USA who draws stuff that she fantasizes.
What happened to my fantasies at 15?
I was probably too afraid at what people would say if I drew them.
Now my fantasies are probably not as innocent, independent, clean, unadulterated and simple anymore.
I want to be 15 again and live better.
I never understood what Bhaiya meant when he said that I should draw so when I am 20 I'll be so awesome.
I get it now.
Sad.

Androidius rejectius - a breed of extremely nice guys

2009-03-07T03:10:00.001+05:30

2009-02-02T01:02:00.002+05:30

What makes me feel..
Goes around and comes back head over heel
The cat hides under the bed
A traffic light goes Red

My car comes to a stop
I stare

2009-01-11T20:38:00.000+05:30

Any mark you make becomes worth a thousand words.

2009-01-05T22:42:00.004+05:30

Type is beautiful. They're tiny sculptures but only painted onto paper. Think black and white. The white paper with curvilinear strokes of a letter like O. How it sits so timid and calm but means to say a million things at the same time.

Men in love

2008-10-25T23:35:00.001+05:30

more than just a few words

2008-10-25T03:16:00.001+05:30

Designing the Unknown for the Unknown

2008-10-12T20:58:00.002+05:30

It is quite a challenging task to strategize against something unknown. If the aim is protection against the something, at least then you will have an idea where to begin. But, suppose, for instance, you were asked to design for the unknown, 'What is the brief?', you'd ask, 'Make your own brief.', the authority replies, 'Oh! Okay.', you're puzzled.

So here you are on the blank sheet of paper, lingering. Hanging on a line for the bright idea to strike.

2008-10-10T15:38:00.000+05:30

When I live in a space for too long I lose my affinity for it.

Igby goes down

2008-09-29T21:12:00.000+05:30

Stash

2008-09-28T22:04:00.002+05:30

the obvious and the not

2008-09-28T14:35:00.003+05:30

Wake up to yourself

2008-09-28T08:21:00.003+05:30

Recently I was having a stressful time coping with things, people and activities around me. I cried. The tears made no difference except that Yasir understood what was happening to me. He told me what I should do to make it all better. I did what he said. It worked and life was okay again but it was just okay not good nor did it contain anything that I was looking forward to.

So I decided to wake up early and prepare a relaxed breakfast every morning. I began doing it. The first day I liked it. The second was better and my body didn't rebel to waking up early since I slept on time the previous night. Now it's about the fifth day of the same routine and I think I can never do without this peaceful time I get with myself.

When my days used to begin in a hurry I was always stressed. Now I'm much better.

People for people, savages

2008-09-16T22:39:00.003+05:30

Here they are

There they be

Take a good look around

Soon they'll no longer be.

If people were not

What they are now

They'd stick around longer

For you to stand up and take a bow.

TELISN - noise. TELISN anag.- silent, listen

2008-09-16T22:13:00.004+05:30

There is noise, a lot of it.

You can't even hear my voice.

How will you listen?

The noise is born inside you,

You can't even hear yourself.

How will you listen?

Settle the score with yourself,

Then turn around to me,

Then you will hear.

Now earn time to speak,

Be silent and hear,

Then you'll listen.

Speaking in soul

2008-09-16T22:11:00.001+05:30

Blue makes me shine down

Light up a path

Red makes me rise up

Burn down the same

2008-09-16T22:03:00.004+05:30

Once again I say

Liberate

Once again you will need

To break

Go across a river

Fly

Why he never said - Let there be peace

2008-09-16T22:03:00.003+05:30

Once again I say,

Liberate.

Once again you will need,

To break.

Go across a river,

Fly toward the light.

Reasons will never be over,

Until you cease fight.

2008-09-02T00:40:00.000+05:30

I love to read to you. I want to do it all my life.

2008-09-02T00:37:00.001+05:30

Some people are just beautiful. They don't need to do say or do anything to turn you head over heels.

2008-08-24T13:59:00.002+05:30

I really need my space. I feel claustrophobic.

What I don't understand and its symptoms

2008-08-14T18:25:00.002+05:30

I don't understand the changes that I am going through in my head. I don't feel like doing what I am supposed to but I am doing everything else otherwise. I usually have Rapid Eye Movement sleep wherein I dream and wake up at any noise. Right now I sleep at 4 in the morning and achieve deep sleep. When I wake up I feel a satisfactory stash of energy and will inside me. But, I wake up in the middle of the day by when all other people in my social group have already finished or are on the verge of finishing activities that I am to participate in!

I just missed out on submitting something that matter a lot in my course evaluation. This is going to lead me into being very negative and guilty for a long time. Now on I will not do anything that is going to make me feel so. I am going to read a lot and do only what is required of me at this point of time in life - work hard!

2008-08-14T02:45:00.002+05:30

For you I,

For you me,

For you everything,

Everything I could be.

All I can make,

All I can do,

All I can give,

Give everything to you.

Scanning the capabilities of being lazy.

2008-08-14T02:22:00.001+05:30

Now that I have a scanner I should really get down to doing some real exciting stuff!

I should draw!

Draw, you lazy fool, draw!

A Secret Or Maybe Two.

2008-08-14T01:55:00.002+05:30

I'd like to tell you my secret

But, maybe not today.

You should leave now

And return in a while

To be able to get me.

How about we trade two secrets

I'll tell you mine

And you return the favour?

How would it be to keep

Two precious thoughts safely?

Maybe I should write a book

And maybe you an ode.

Let's riddle our secrets into words.

And let the world read something

That makes no sense to them.

They would never understand

The million things we feel.

Maybe they should stop

In their tracks for a moment

And consider what feeling feels like.

Maybe we could whisper

And let a smile or two escape.

Then maybe life would change

A secret would become two.

Would you like to?

2008-08-12T00:20:00.002+05:30

Looking at me

He stood at the door

For he was leaving

To return once more

honguski

2008-07-29T14:00:00.002+05:30

Here now begins the journey of my life. 'Honguski', I say to it, let it begin.

Memory Loss

2008-06-29T01:11:00.002+05:30

My eyes burn a bit. I just took off eye makeup with a good safe eye-makeup remover which doesn't seem to be that safe. I'd like to sit with my eyes closed so that they hurt less. Well, it's not that much of a horrific makeup removing dysfunction so don't be alarmed.

I also have a bad attack of influenza. My nose is not runny yet but I know it's coming; the silence before the storm has already begun. Notice for yourself - are you feeling perfectly good? Well, that's the silence before the storm! Okay, I'm probably making my condition sound too good but if I could take a movie of myself now you would so totally see the runner in my nose just starting countdown (Or run down already! See! There it goes! Ack!)

I talk too much and I tend to forget that too often. Memory loss.

depression comes in many words

2008-06-22T00:18:00.003+05:30

weep
bleed
need
sleep

seed
heed
deep
weed

deed
keep
lead
steed

die
lie
awry
cry

shy
my
dry
tie

by
sigh
pry
pie

ARTIST to artist

2008-06-12T00:26:00.000+05:30

'Can you hear me?', he asked, 'Not really', replied the other. 'Will you please listen to me?', he pleaded to the other, the other indifferently said, 'I choose not to'.

Pinch your nose and say 'meep'

2008-06-10T20:52:00.005+05:30

So.... My God! I did it again! I began my post with 'So..' argh!

Those of you who have read the above please directly press the 'short term memory loss' button on your head. It is placed directly above the Maxilla, on the Ethmoid of the Nasal tract. Oh and don't forget to say 'meep' (a nasal sound) as you press it. Without the sound the 'short term memory loss' will not occur. (It is a commonly made mistake and I don't like my readers to go through all the trouble.)

Anyway, now that you have successfully forgotten what I did earlier let me tell you something interesting. I bought my DSLR yesterday but I am not going to put up any pictures very soon. Once I have clearly established a good relationship with my Canon and have clicked at least a dozen good pictures then I will reveal it all in one go. No, this has nothing to do with my not wanting to show you my horrible attempts. So once again perform the drill of the 'short term memory loss'. This is to ensure that you do not request for any pictures in the near future.

Before it eats itself up...

2008-06-10T01:32:00.004+05:30

There's almost a hunger born inside of me. I'm hungry to go back to where I belong. It is also an almost painful hunger. I wish I could cure it. Hey Eks, and all you Rugrats, I miss you so terribly that it hurts. I doubt that I can take it any longer.

Many many

2008-06-09T00:53:00.003+05:30

I promise you, every time I begin writing a post I type 'So..', e-v-e-r-y time!
And when I realize that I delete the 'so' and begin with 'I' !

Maybe that's a sign of self - obsession.

Anyway, what I was saying it that I'm feeling homesick. Haha! My heart is divided into a million little pieces. Now majority of the pieces belong to things that are accessible only from Pune. I want to go back to Pune. To college. To the rain. To my friends. To Eks. I miss you more than I can express.

Besides nostalgia, I am getting the Canon 450D. So you'll have images showing you things the way I see them.

I am topic hopping right now because there is so much to say. Did you know that Amitabh Bachchan and Aamir Khan blog? Well, here is AB's blog and AK's. They write well, and write very simply about their own life and perceptions.

Another thing I noticed is that my illustration and pictures are delightful to look at in my blog so from now instead of talking too much I will draw my thought.

Now, I rest. Goodnight.
Love.

Art And Artists (the good ones unlike you and me)

2008-06-07T23:31:00.005+05:30

I recently became a member of Deviant Art a.k.a dA. I've been browsing galleries and I realize that most goras (no racism involved, I'm just innocently referring to a group of people, everyone who is not brown, that I otherwise do not know how to refer to) are so good at art and photography. And so, after such a long time of exposure to their work, I have learned to digest the fact that they are good at art and its relatives, in fact they are very good!

But, hey! It's not fair that they get the good looks too!! Ya' know! Wtf?

Tempted?

2008-06-04T14:37:00.000+05:30

..and he lamented

2008-06-04T13:40:00.002+05:30

I was five and he was six
We rode on horses made of sticks
He wore black and I wore white
He would always win the fight

Bang bang, he shot me down
Bang bang, I hit the ground
Bang bang, that awful sound
Bang bang, my baby shot me down.

Seasons came and changed the time
When I grew up, I called him mine
He would always laugh and say
"Remember when we used to play?"

Bang bang, I shot you down
Bang bang, you hit the ground
Bang bang, that awful sound
Bang bang, I used to shoot you down.

Music played, and people sang
Just for me, the church bells rang.

Now he's gone, I don't know why
And till this day, sometimes I cry
He didn't even say goodbye
He didn't take the time to lie.

Bang bang, he shot me down
Bang bang, I hit the ground
Bang bang, that awful sound
Bang bang, my baby shot me down...

Listen

Queue Please!

2008-06-04T13:39:00.002+05:30

Are you waiting for more drawings?

Me too. :P

That's me!

2008-06-02T17:19:00.001+05:30

2008-05-31T15:24:00.003+05:30

It is horrid!
Whatever it is, it's just horrid.
Today is the day when I would just pick anything up and break it.
Why is That important?
Why can't we live without caring about That?

It is worthless.
All you friggin' pieces of shit on the planet who think that looking beautiful is all that life is all about go rot in fucking hell.

You have no bloody idea. Do you?

Another Dilemma

2008-05-27T17:12:00.002+05:30

There was a time a few days ago when all I did was draw and tear the page out.
I felt miserable. So i drew my thought.
And suddenly realized that all I need to do is draw my thought.
Here, I, again, become an artist instead of a designer.
Is something wrong with that?
Am I learning design just to communicate my own thought clearly?
Is that like walking the wrong path with the right intention?
Or is it just being clever?
Am I an artist or a designer?
I think I'm just confused.

2008-05-26T20:11:00.001+05:30

Thirty five more days to go. I think I will kill someone.

What a Mess!

2008-05-22T14:11:00.002+05:30

I am not not,
I am just not.
I am not nothing.
I am just about anything.

I am the one who make a mess,
Then looks at it with interest.
I don't know how to sort it out,
It scares me so I cry out loud.

I can look at it for hours but,
Frown, then keep my eyes shut.
Pretend to have no association with;
Try to stand away from it.

A mess it is and the best one,
Whatever you do it can't be undone,
The only way out will be,
For you to take me away from me.

Where I am, I am just there.

2008-05-21T01:14:00.003+05:30

You probably remember how nervous I was about coming back home! Somehow the feeling was lost in the abyss of my niece's complicated narratives. I calmed down and now I am thoroughly enjoying my stay. But, don't get me wrong, I want to leave this place when I can to come back to you guys, the love of my life, our life in college and the monsoon.

I like the fact that I really have nothing to do here. I don't make any day plans or go out anywhere, I don't watch movies, tv or read books. 'My God! What does she do then?', you must think. Well, I draw.

And I bet at this Yasir will have some joke like 'iDraw. Nehal, you're such an Apple fan!'
Haha Yasir. That is so not funny.

A Beginning

2008-05-20T20:48:00.002+05:30

I have begun to draw. I'm working on a book with a friend which is supposed to be a book for children but I don't know how far we will be able to keep the bad language and wrong incidents out of the story! It's not that bad going though.

I can't really show you any sketches or anything yet. We've got to keep it off the web circle for a some time ('some time' can last till it is actually published so please don't keep hopes)

This is my first attempt at illustrating a full length story ( I have done some illustration for random thoughts and poems before) I don't know how promising this is going to be but I think that looking forward to it won't be such a bad thing.

the room in all its glory.

2008-05-19T23:44:00.003+05:30

I think my sister would like to cuss at me for re-sharing the room with her. (I won't make myself say 'her room' so you guys need to stop waiting on me for that one!) She just went 'poof' when I told her that I cannot turn off the lights just yet. But, hey I'm drawing okay!?! I'm already quite blind you see, turning off the light would be total stupidity! (hehe, that rhymes)

I quit.

2008-05-18T15:32:00.002+05:30

It has been a little over a week since my summer vacation began. I am at home now and I think I have time at my disposal to do anything that I really want. I was supposed to be working for someone making kids' summer events in Dubai, which I did start off as soon as I came but, I quit today.

I have decided to do something for myself, something that will enhance my perception of me. I think I'm going to draw and write this summer.

A Wonderful Discovery

2008-05-18T14:57:00.002+05:30

I could easily state that my four year old niece is my wonderful discovery but that would be half the truth. What is really wonderful is her drawing skill! I can't make myself believe that a four year old child is so good at drawing figures. I obviously do not mean that she draws life-like but her figure drawing and expressions on the faces of her characters is just so amazing.

If you ever encounter one of her drawings she will explain what that character is doing with sounds ans actions! I think she is one big pot of talent and I feel like I should just dedicate my life into teaching her to see things the way she does now for all her life. I also believe that I should quit trying to make my talents into skills because I have been at it for so many years and still haven't reached a bloody milestone. I just taught her how to draw an eye the way I do.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Just now we were exploring how to draw a dog! It is hilarious how she drew its limbs! They were two on each side of its body at 90 degrees! Haha!

2008-05-12T18:03:00.002+05:30

Hello world once again. I am at home now. Just dropped in yesterday after a long awaited flight. At this moment I am rubbing my left or right eye. It is too difficult for me to tell instantly which of the two it is because I am dyslexic. And also I am bored. I think I'll go to sleep.

2008-03-30T22:34:00.000+05:30

change

A Different Day

2008-03-22T11:38:00.003+05:30

It is a peaceful day outside. At least it was till this morning before I opened my eyes to realize that I was awake. She lay beside me, a small girl with a face of innocence. I lay awake after that and noticed that outside my window it was a different day. I resumed staring at my ceiling; it was blank white. I closed my eyes and looked again but no noticeable change took place in that fraction of a second. I looked out of the window again. The small girl woke up and commented upon the beauty of the day as she smiled.

I got out of bed and stood before my sink mirror. I looked at myself. I was a a blur to myself. My glasses were at my desk. I opened the tap and fresh water came rushing into my life. I took some in the cup of my palms and splashed it on my face. Then my image improved in the mirror.

I went back to look out of the window. I saw it then; the beauty of the day. It really was beautiful. I just needed a change of perception.

Deep Inside the Woods

2008-03-21T10:30:00.002+05:30

So it was dark,
I knew it then and know it now.
I saw it from a distance and said.
I will conquer it all, but how?

Now it is dark,
I am staring right into its face.
Trying to take a grip on it,
The blank imitation of space.

Love

2008-03-19T23:35:00.002+05:30

I finally found and interpreter of the Rain. And he does his job beautifully.

I AM

2008-03-17T18:48:00.002+05:30

feeling extremely stifled. Liberate me, somebody.

2008-03-14T12:39:00.000+05:30

What is the most beautiful thing about life?

2008-03-12T20:56:00.002+05:30

Right now, I hate me.

In Center, In Captivity

2008-03-09T12:00:00.004+05:30

When I was in captivity,
I felt one moment of captivation.
None prior and none afterward,
Just once it came to pass me by.

T'was a fragmented stillness,
An unperturbed silence screamed.
Loud as it was with me in the center,
I watched it encircle like a tempest.

But just a moment it was,
It had to leave me be soon.
Came to an end when it did,
It left behind an honest smile.

Learning

2008-03-08T11:41:00.002+05:30

There are two ways to making something interesting.

Do something in a way that everyone does but, point out, in it, something that everyone tends to not notice.

Do something something that everyone does in a different way.

Upon Feeling Worthless

2008-03-07T21:21:00.006+05:30

A feeling of worthlessness takes over. It is like a change of personnel in a work shift. Waiting to take over at the precise moment so that there is no loss of time. But it is very gradual. Tough to point out where it has actually begun. Like a vignette, you can't tell exactly where the next hue begins.

It's like having visited a building and you say hello to the guard. You go upstairs and sleep off. When you wake and leave the building there is another guard instead. You can't really tell when they changed but at both points you know for sure that they are two different people.

I was happy and wanted to do a little chicken dance for it too just some time back. Hard to tell when exactly. May be an hour or so back. And now my face shows no hint of amusement. None at all. I feel worthless.

Feeling worthless is not good because you feel like you can't do anything anymore. You begin to feel helpless. And feeling helpless is not good.

:(

2008-02-28T10:20:00.001+05:30

Kishore Kumar died on 13th October 1987.

2008-02-25T22:38:00.001+05:30

Many things, unsaid, are beautiful.